Death

Death is a low moan escaping from a dry mouth cracked at the corners and turning a blackish hue It is blue fingertips and red tinged eyelids White pasty skin and dark yellow bile flowing from within Death is swollen extremities and widened eyes full of fear or possibly wonder at seeing what was before … More Death

Dignity Denied

So I spent Mother’s Day of this year cleaning up my Mom’s puke. She could not stop throwing up. It was kind of weird b/c that is one of those things you always hear about people with cancer, especially people on chemo, but it is not something we have ever dealt with before. Ten years … More Dignity Denied

Trying Tired

Today is my birthday. I am 40 years old and yet I am getting ready to quit my job and move in with my parents. I guess it is not so bad if you are doing it intentionally. I know it is the right thing to do. It is even what I want to do. … More Trying Tired

Angry Dreams

I have been pretty quiet lately. Things have settled down a bit I guess so I have too. Mom has finished with radiation and finally seems to be recovering from that. She is still sleeping the majority of every day but she is actually doing things with the time she is awake. We have gone … More Angry Dreams

Poison

It is so weird that we treat cancer with poison. The two real treatments that are given any credibility for helping are chemotherapy and radiation. Both are extremely dangerous. Mom has had both. At this point she cannot have any more surgery and apparently chemo isn’t really going to help so they did radiation. We … More Poison

Angry

I am so over the world today. Yesterday my mom laid in her bed and cried. She told me she is afraid she will go to sleep and never wake up. That doesn’t scare HER so much but she is so afraid of my Dad having to find her dead in bed. Apparently that is … More Angry

Numbed Up

So I find that while some days I am angry about what is happening to my Mom, and by extension to my family, mostly I am just numb. It is almost weird. And by that I don’t mean that I don’t feel bad about the cancer, I mean that I feel like I am in … More Numbed Up